To be completed no later than Tuesday, September 18.
Prompt:
The American colonists were justified in declaring their independence from Britain. Assess the validity of this statement.
Assignment:
Spring Group - Write and post a thesis that answers the above prompt. It may not be the same exact thesis that another student posted. Post your thesis as a comment to this post!
Fall Group - Select one student and critique their thesis. Tell us what's good and what needs improvement. Give a specific example (or examples) of how they could improve. You may not critique a thesis that has already been critiqued. Post your critique as a comment to this post and make sure to copy and paste the thesis (+ name) you are critiquing into your comment.!
Remember, an effective thesis:
1. Fully addresses the question asked
2. Takes a position with regard to the question asked
3. Provides organizational categories that will be used in the essay
Summer and Winter groups... read the posts.
You will have the opportunity to post your own work at another time.
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34 comments:
Although some of the colonists were Loyalists, the majority of the population believed that they were justified in declaring their independence from Britain, that they wanted nothing to do with England and their tyrant ruler, George III. John Locke, an important European philosopher, asserted that everybody had the right to life, liberty, and property; the Declaration of Independence lists multiple grievances that explain why the American colonies were dissolving ties with England; and there were thousands of colonists that spoke up in their time of need to help their country.
From the neglect to the numerous taxations, the American colonists were justified in declaring their independence from Britain. The colonists had grown accustomed to “being neglected” and watching over themselves. No longer did they wish to be pulled like puppets by Britain. It wasn’t right for an island to control a continent, and that was how some felt (Thomas Paine: Common Sense). Not to mention the growing sense that some foresaw in English constitution as a single center of power, the king and the minister. The colonists took a chance at freedom because they felt that English system and their actions were slowly becoming corrupt.
From the great differences with Britain to the want of separation between the state and church, the Americans wanted independence from the British. They wanted the right of being able to do what they wanted. Even though there were many people that were still loyal to the king the thought of freedom yearned in many. It started with men, went to the ladies, and then to the natives and slave. Soon a war broke out to finally give freedom to the colonist and separate the British. It was fought hard and led to many victories and defeats. But, after all this the US finally gained there right of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The American were justified in declaring their independence from England. While some Loyalists did exist in the colonies, most of the population were patriots and were outraged by the unfair treatment from England. The control by England that did not allow them to trade with other countries and England taxing them on items imported. Soon the Americans started holding meetings to dicuss ways of ending the dispute, but they soon relized that England was not going to back down. Thus the revolution began.
Although Great Britain had supported and secured the colonists, they were justified in declaring independence because the king had stripped them of their natural rights to life, liberty, and property.
Jordan Kraus
Period 01
rdevalois
“Although some of the colonists were Loyalists, the majority of the population believed that they were justified in declaring their independence from Britain, that they wanted nothing to do with England and their tyrant ruler, George III. John Locke, an important European philosopher, asserted that everybody had the right to life, liberty, and property; the Declaration of Independence lists multiple grievances that explain why the American colonies were dissolving ties with England; and there were thousands of colonists that spoke up in their time of need to help their country.”
Critique:
In my opinion this student did a very good job adding strong information into this thesis statement. I especially like the connection with John Lock and his philosophy which asserted that everybody had the right to life, liberty, and property. I also believe that the beginning is strong, because of the background info about the loyalists and how the majority of the population believed that they were justified in declaring their independence from Britain. However, I believe that the statement has too much information which could be used for the rest of the intro paragraph instead of cramming it all into the thesis.
Though it was not a unanimous decision by all of the American colonists, they had ever right to declare their independence from the British Empire because a government's repsonsibulity, by the English defination, to protect the welfare of it's people, and that was not something the colonists felt was happening.
Rylee Caldwell
P. 1 Spring Group
franciscom said...
The Americans saw their declaration of independence justified as they had from the beginning of colonization learned to run their colonies independently. It an attempt to secure this sovereignty, they rejected the rule of Britain. The colonists did not want to lose the power to govern themselves. They stood to lose the power to tax themselves, their sovereignty, and their representation in the empire if not for their declaration of independence.
This thesis statement does a very good job at fully addressing the question asked. It states such things that can be covered later on in an essay if written. However when taking a stand the student doesn't say whether or not he thinks they were justified in declaring their independence himself. Yes we know that the Americans saw their declaration of independence justified because they were the ones to go through with it. All I would say to improve this thesis statement is for the student to clearly state what he thinks, so he can use all the information given to support his side.
Ally Gustafson-Period 2-Fall Group
hey um im not on that list so . . . . i emailed you mr. howe, if i don't get an email back im just gona critique one i guess, hope ur okay with that.
"Though it was not a unanimous decision by all of the American colonists, they had ever right to declare their independence from the British Empire because a government's repsonsibulity, by the English defination, to protect the welfare of it's people, and that was not something the colonists felt was happening." -Rylee C.
Critique:
I felt as if this student did a very good job presenting an argueable point and backed it with reasonable explaination. However, I didn't feel as if the thesis was very easy to read and there wasnt a sentence listing the topics that were to be addressed specifically. There is definately room for some improvement but it was a good start.
Even though England provided for the colonies in previous years, still doesn't allow England to abuse the American colonists, tax without representation, and make policies without the people's consent. These reasons alone are supportive enough to give the colonists a justified reason to declare independence.
The colonists had much support for declaring their independence from Britain. Although roughly one third of the colonist population was loyal to the crown, the idea of independence was already set in motion. The soon to be Americans had back up for their independence from the tyrannical actions of Britain, The philosophies of John Locke, and the Declaration of Independence that included both of the above.
-Curtis
The American colonists were justified by declaring their independence from Britain by not tolerating the unfair taxes, and having the capability of governing themselves since being neglected by Britain. Being seen as only mere sources of income rather than a true society. Rather that the American colonies were sick of the abuse of the English upon their rights.
Although Great Britain had supported and secured the colonists, they were justified in declaring independence because the king had stripped them of their natural rights to life, liberty, and property.
Jordan Kraus
Critique:
I think that this thesis is very well written. It states an argument, they were justified in declaring independence . It also gives reasons or categories, the king had stripped them of their natural rights to life, liberty, and property. I think that it could use more reasons or categories because the ones listed can all fit into the same category of natural rights. Other than that, i think its a good thesis.
Marina Maes- Period 2
C.DelReal said...
The American colonists were justified by declaring their independence from Britain by not tolerating the unfair taxes, and having the capability of governing themselves since being neglected by Britain. Being seen as only mere sources of income rather than a true society. Rather that the American colonies were sick of the abuse of the English upon their rights.
critique:
I believe this thesis mainly addresses the question asked and definately takes a possition but it doesn't clearly provide organizational categories. In fact it doesn't seem to be very easy to read as well and could use some organization and better word choice. It seems to be halfway on a start to a good thesis.
Ashley Fossett P. 1 Fall group
The American colonists were justified in declaring their independence from Britain because Britain taxed the colonists without representation, stripped them of their rights to life, liberty, and property, and prohibited trade between the colonies and other countries.
sorry it's late...
volleyball game.
it was fun.
you should have been there to support your fellow mustangs.
and now have to stay up like me for hours to do homework.
hope ya'll are happy;
all warm and happy in your beds...
whilst i suffer.
haha.
jk.
but seriously.
There were about less then 1/3 of Loyalists, and the rest were Patriots or undecieded, the majority believed that they were justified in declaring their independece from Britain. John Locke argued that everybody had the right to life, liberty, and property; their were thousends of rebels; and the Declaration of Independence listed multiple grievances explaining why American colonies were breaking away from England.
~*Rosie*~
I think the American colonists were justified in declaring their independence because they were being pushed around by Britain. Not only was Britain taxing them without representation but they refused to listen to the colonists when the wanted to still be part of the British Empire. They had a list of grievances towards the king, thus justifying declaring independence themselves. So why would the colonists want to have anything to do with a government that doesn’t listen to them, when they could easily govern themselves?
Well unlike Aspen i went to friday night's volleyball game, so that i wasn't stuck sitting at home working on homework until midnight. But even though i am summer group i have to say most of the thesis's, theories, theori? well whatever they are plural they are all really good and i think they address the prompt really well. I have a good feeling about the AP Exams this year :D
"Even though England provided for the colonies in previous years, still doesn't allow England to abuse the American colonists, tax without representation, and make policies without the people's consent. These reasons alone are supportive enough to give the colonists a justified reason to declare independence."Stew
Critque
I thought that the thesis was pretty good because it got straight to the point and it answered the question in just two sentences. The only things I could find that was wrong was I don't think that there was enough reasons stated and I don't think that it was worded as well as it could be. But I think it was good, so good job.
Aspen M. said,
The American colonists were justified in declaring their independence from Britain because Britain taxed the colonists without representation, stripped them of their rights to life, liberty, and property, and prohibited trade between the colonies and other countries.
I think that this thesis has a good start but i would have liked to see a little more elaborate opinion on the reason they were justified in thier seperation. Also, I personally would have liked to see a little more seperation in your argument and the supporting topics. Otherwise, it was well written and had all the required parts, adressing the question, providing an argument, and defending said argument with topics to be elaborated on in body paragraphs. Well done.
-Austin M.
Curtis D. said:
The colonists had much support for declaring their independence from Britain. Although roughly one third of the colonist population was loyal to the crown, the idea of independence was already set in motion. The soon to be Americans had back up for their independence from the tyrannical actions of Britain, The philosophies of John Locke, and the Declaration of Independence that included both of the above.
Critique:
I feel that this is the best thesis I have read. It fully adressed the prompt, stated an opinion, and gave categories to back up that opinion. Really there was nothing I felt that could be done better other than maybe some stronger diction. Other than that it was flawless.☻
Dustin Brown.
Period 2.
Lily A. said
"From the neglect to the numerous taxations, the American colonists were justified in declaring their independence from Britain. The colonists had grown accustomed to “being neglected” and watching over themselves. No longer did they wish to be pulled like puppets by Britain. It wasn’t right for an island to control a continent, and that was how some felt (Thomas Paine: Common Sense). Not to mention the growing sense that some foresaw in English constitution as a single center of power, the king and the minister. The colonists took a chance at freedom because they felt that English system and their actions were slowly becoming corrupt".
In my opinion, Lily addressed all three requirements for a thesis statement. The question was clearly stated, her position was clear, and there were a couple of organizational categories, but they weren't extremely clear. I think she added too many details that could have been stated later in the essay. Instead of simply saying that the king violated his "contract" with his American colonies, she went on to describe how a continent should not be ruled by an island and how the king was the source of supreme authority. Like I stated earlier, her organizational categories could use, well, some organizing. I also believe that her position is strong in the beginning. Overall, I thought Lily's thesis has the potential to be strong with some work put into it.
Rosie said,
There were about less then 1/3 of Loyalists, and the rest were Patriots or undecieded, the majority believed that they were justified in declaring their independece from Britain. John Locke argued that everybody had the right to life, liberty, and property; their were thousends of rebels; and the Declaration of Independence listed multiple grievances explaining why American colonies were breaking away from England.
I felt Rosie did a pretty good job on her thesis statement. I liked that way she incorperated John Locke's theory about the right to persue life, liberty, and happiness. But I felt that she didn't firmly address the question say how SHE felt about the colonists justification of breaking free from England.
RAdrianaH said...
From the great differences with Britain to the want of separation between the state and church, the Americans wanted independence from the British. They wanted the right of being able to do what they wanted. Even though there were many people that were still loyal to the king the thought of freedom yearned in many. It started with men, went to the ladies, and then to the natives and slave. Soon a war broke out to finally give freedom to the colonist and separate the British. It was fought hard and led to many victories and defeats. But, after all this the US finally gained there right of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Critique:
A few strong points are made in this thesis, but I do not think the question is answered as completely as it could be. Yes, the colonists wanted their independence from the British, but were they "justified"? I undestand the just of what the person is saying in the second sentence, but it could be reworded to sound more formal. Also, there are few examples that answer the question. There are true and concrete sentences, but the categories are unclear. Watch spelling and grammar.
--Tess G. Hour 2
i read franciscom comment and i thought that he had some good ideas. He had his three areas of categorzation and had enough information to back up his ideas. He took a side and made a clear and concise arguement. He didnt ride the fence but at the same time he addressed both sides of the problem.
The Americans saw their declaration of independence justified as they had from the beginning of colonization learned to run their colonies independently. It an attempt to secure this sovereignty, they rejected the rule of Britain. The colonists did not want to lose the power to govern themselves. They stood to lose the power to tax themselves, their sovereignty, and their representation in the empire if not for their declaration of independence.
i read franciscom comment and i thought that he had some good ideas. He had his three areas of categorzation and had enough information to back up his ideas. He took a side and made a clear and concise arguement. He didnt ride the fence but at the same time he addressed both sides of the problem.
Franiscom
"The Americans saw their declaration of independence justified as they had from the beginning of colonization learned to run their colonies independently. It an attempt to secure this sovereignty, they rejected the rule of Britain. The colonists did not want to lose the power to govern themselves. They stood to lose the power to tax themselves, their sovereignty, and their representation in the empire if not for their declaration of independence."
The thesis is good. It explains the main reason and has the perfect amount of information. The rest expalins the main reasons for our independence though I think it could have gone into a little more detail. There's also a typeo but no harm done. All in all it is a good statement.
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